Davar Akher

Last week, while attending a Purim service, I was caught off guard by the reader’s Kiddush. So far as I am aware, it is not customary for a kiddush to be a formal part of the Purim service, but it was not that that caught me off guard. What surprised me were the actual words and, as soon as the service was over, I grabbed a copy of them for myself. I am a little too late to honour the festival with some silliness of my own, but in a general spirit of frivolity, I bequeath it to the internet. A translation follows, although it is worth pointing out that the chief beauty of the piece lies in its similarity to the Kiddush recited on Friday night. If you are unfamiliar with the Friday night Kiddush, you may just have to take my word for that.

קידוש לפורים

יום הפורים ויכולו המים מהארץ וכל צבאם: ויכל לוט ביום הפורים כדו אשר שתה: וישתה ביום בפורים מכל כדיו אשר שתה: ויברך את יום הפורים ויקדש אותו: כי בו שתה מכל משקיו אשר בחר לשתות

סברי סוררים ומורים ושכורים

ברוך אתה מוכר פרי הגפן

ברוך אתה אשר מכר לנו מכל יין. והשקנו מכל דבש והשכירנו בכוסותיו. ותתן לנו באהבה משקים לשמחה יין ודבש לששון. את יום חג הפורים הזה זמן שכרותנו בארבעה עשר לחודש אסור לשתיית מים. כי לנו מכרת ואותנו הרוית מפרי כרמים. ומשקי כדיך בשמחה ובששון השכרתנו. ברוך אתה מוכר משקים ומעדנים

ברוך אתה שהשקנו והשכירנו והגמיאנו לזמן הזה

Kiddush For Purim:

The day of Purim. Water disappeared from the earth and all of its hosts. So Lot finished, on the day of Purim, the jug from which he drank. And he drank, on the day of Purim, of all of the jugs from which he had drunk. And he blessed the day of Purim and he sanctified it. For, on that day, he had drunk of every drink from which, by choice, he drank.

With your permission, O loafers and upstarts and drunkards:
Blessed are you, who sells the fruit of the vine.

Blessed are you, who sells us all manner of wine. Who has allowed us to drink all manner of nectar, and who has besotted us with his cups. Now lovingly give us alcohol for mirth, wine and nectar for rejoicing. This day of Purim is our time of inebriation; on the fourteenth day of the month it is forbidden to consume water. For to us you have sold, and it’s us that you have sated with, the fruit of the vineyards. With joy and with gladness, you have made us drunk on your own bottled booze. Blessed are you who sells liquor and candy.

Blessed are you who has made us drink, made us swallow, and gotten us drunk at this season.

[Yes, yes. So it's an idiomatic translation. Amazing how dull it actually seems when you translate it literally...]